I am so excited to write about this topic! Many of my life coaching clients come to me to get clarity on how to accomplish what they need to during the day. Yeah- we will need to talk about structuring the day, chunking work, minimizing distractions, etc. But, we also need to "reverse engineer" this and look at the daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals, and yearly goals. Which will require looking at the client's vision for their life, which requires identifying VALUES!
You might be thinking, what??? Who actually does this? Aren't values obvious? Be a good person and stuff like that. But, I am telling you, if you stick with me during this post and go through the process of identifying your values, it will help you make decisions and prioritize your time.
value: a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.
May I introduce.....Brene Brown?
If you know me, you know that I love Brene Brown. In her book, Dare to Lead (https://brenebrown.com/book/dare-to-lead/) she talks about values as what leads us to do uncomfortable and daring things. When we start to "chicken out" because we realize that we are no longer in our comfort zone; this is when we really needs to hone in on our values to remind us why this is important and needs to be done. Once we identify our values, it is important that we act in accordance of them; to be clear on what we believe and what we hold as important.
I love that Brene goes on to clarify that we have one set of values. In other words, we do not need "work" values and "personal" values. This makes total sense to me. We are called to live in alignment with what we hold as most important regardless of our setting/situation (home or work).
Are you ready? It's time to identify YOUR values!
Here is the hard part. I am going to share a list of values from Brown's book. You must pick TWO that you hold most important (or you may add your own). This will seem like an impossible task. My suggestion is that you first put a "check" by every one that "speaks to" you. Then go through those and pick your favorite 8-10 and then keep eliminating until you are down to two.
accountability
achievement
adaptability
adventure
altruism
ambition
authenticity
balance
beauty
being the best
belonging
career
caring
collaboration
commitment
community
compassion
competence
confidence
connection
contentment
contribution
cooperation
courage
creativity
curiosity
dignity
diversity
environment
efficiency
equality
ethics
excellence
fairness
faith
family
financial stability
forgiveness
freedom
friendship
fun
future generations
generosity
giving back
grace
gratitude
growth
harmony
health
home
honesty
hope
humility
humor
inclusion
independence
initiative
integrity
intuition
job security
joy
justice
kindness
knowledge
leadership
learning
legacy
leisure
love
loyalty
making a difference
mature
openness
optimism
order
parenting
patience
patriotism
peace
perseverance
personal fulfillment
power
pride
recognition
reliability
resourcefulness
respect
responsibility
risk taking
safety
security
self-discipline
self-expression
self-respect
serenity
service
simplicity
spirituality
sportsmanships
stewardship
success
teamwork
thrift
time
tradition
travel
trust
truth
understanding
uniqueness
usefulness
vision
vulnerability
wealth
well-being
wholeheartedness
wisdom
(add your own)
I know you hated to only choose two because that is how I felt! However, I bet that if you look back at the values that didn't "make the cut", you will find a lot of them relate to your top two. For example, my top values are:
Connection
Growth
Some of my other values include:
belonging
faith
family
health
honesty
knowledge
learning
love
peace
trust
vulnerability
It's easy to see how all of these relate to connection and growth.
Let's make it real! What can you do to LIVE in your values?
Values aren't just some fluffy words. They should really be guiding principles in our lives. we have to translate our values from "ideals" to "behaviors" or better yet--> actions! So, the next thing you need to do is:
Identify 3-4 behaviors that support your vales
identify 3-4 behaviors that you find yourself tempted to do although they are contrary to your values.
Here are my examples:
Connection:
Behaviors that support this value:
Really listen to people and summarize what I heard
Be genuinely interested in others
Make time for friendships
Make time for fun with the kids
Tempting behaviors that are outside of my value:
Withdrawing when I am upset (This one is worth talking about for a moment. Conflict. Conflict is a fantastic example of when we should really be returning to our values. Because my values are connection and growth, I should try to solve my conflicts in those ways. So for me, I should really try to understand the other person's perspective (connection) and believe that it is true for them. I should look at what part I played and how I can do better in the future (growth). Unfortunately, my go to when I am upset is withdrawal and this is NOT living in my values.)
Isolating because it is easier
Prioritizing almost everything else over fun with friends and family (I know....what is wrong with me??)
Growth
Behaviors that support this value:
Learning more about the things that interest me
Journal
Seek feedback (Oh boy do I avoid this one......)
Try new things
Tempting behaviors that are outside of my value:
Staying at my full-time job because it is a known entity and is safe.
Avoiding investing in growth opportunities because I don't believe in myself (i.e. don't believe that I will ever do more than I am currently doing. Ouch- that was hard to admit)
Living in autopilot instead of reflecting and improving.
If you can't tell, I love this focus on values. And I have loved writing this blog post today because it has reawakened me to my own values. When I look at my own values I realize that I am pretty good at valuing growth opportunities in my life- however, I don't always capitalize on the growth opportunities during the really tough moments. And I want to get better at that. Now connection is another story. Without a doubt, it is important to me. I truly believe life is about the relationships. However, I do not think my calendar reflects that and I am definitely going to be cognizant of making that change.
Our values really shouldn't change. I first did this exercise a couple of years ago and then repeated it when I wrote this blog post. Yep, still the same: connection and growth! When we are making decisions, it really helps to return to our values and often this brings clarity. When we are not living in our values is when "issues" begin to arrive and life gets "messy". And when we lost sight of our values, we may find that we are reacting to what is going on around us instead of living life intentionally. I hate that feeling.
Values give us clarity. Once we know our values, we can come up with our vision for different areas of our life, write goals and smash productivity. If you would like some help with your values, vision or goals, I invite you to book a complimentary consult.
So...what are your values. Share them in the comments! Do you believe that focusing on them will bring you your heart's desire?
